Understanding Circumstances

I am wide awake at 11pm...tomorrow is Monday, this is not good. My mind is racing with all sorts of things...work, relationships, trying to understand circumstances beyond my control. What do I do with these thoughts so that I can sleep soundly? Pray. And then pray some more. I am ashamed that there was a time that I was ashamed of my faith....afraid of what others thought of me---so stupid to even let my mind wander down that road. I am grateful for the God I serve and love. It is because of Him that I am blessed with so many great people, relationships, and circumstances. I can search for answers all I want, but I have to rely that God will see me through it all....good, bad, and ugly. I can't imagine a life without God....not quite sure how others do it. I had a great conversation this weekend sharing our awe of how God allows things to happen and brings us through it. He has a purpose for it all, even when we don't see it at that moment. The post below this one is a great story of how God plans every step I take--yes, I have a free will and am able to make my own decisions, but He guides me to where He wants me to be.
I just found this poem online...totally gonna frame it

When I Say "I Am A Christian"

by Carol Wimmer

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian"
don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.

Reflections and Blessings

So the college thing has been quite the roller coaster. Still, at age 29, I have not been able to put my finger on what I want to study. Honestly, I am happy with the jobs that I have, both are fulfilling on so many levels. I am at a conference this weekend that is geared toward direct support professionals....that is the hat I wear from 2:30 in the afternoon until whenever. This is somewhat along the lines of what I have done working in the schools and with the respite care I have provided. I found this job merely as a fluke. When I was released from my duties at my other job, I was quite frantic about finding something else and quick since the school year was pretty close to starting. I found myself perusing the adds on craigslist--not something that I generally do, there are some weirdos out there and applying for a job on craigslist scared me a little. I found this posting for a direct support professional--what's that, I never heard of it before. As I read through the post I thought to myself that I could do something like this since it is not far off from being a 1:1 aide in the schools or the after school care I provided Kierstin for a few years. Anyway, I sent my resume and a response was almost immediate. I got a call for an interview!! Then, I got scared, or maybe I should say I got skeptical. There are some illegitimate offers on craigslist. Anxiety is just a natural part of my thought process so I had to figure out how to find out if this position and people were what was claimed. So I did what any one could do in that situation...I Googled! First I reversed phone looked up their number and made sure that it matched the address that was given me. (Ya know, as I am writing this, I am feeling somewhat like a psycho...ugh) Anyway, alright check to that one. Then I Googled the name of the woman I was meeting at her home in just a few short days. TONS of hits....this chick is a big deal. All I could really gather is that her line of work had something to do working with those who have disabilities. But then I came across a link to book that was published, and in that book contained writings of parents of children with disabilities. A full copy of the book was online. She had written a poem, a beautiful at that, about her son--I read that and I was sold! I was sobbing and a peace came over me that I knew that this was something that I had to do. Still scared to my core because I had not really worked with someone of this particular disability and this age....nothing comes easy I suppose. So I met my potential supervisor and her son. Just that one meeting left me feeling blessed that I was able to meet two amazing people, and even if I did not get the job they had already managed to leave a life long lasting impression.
Well, long story short....when I received the call that they chose to hire me, I was excited and touched. I immediately accepted it without even thinking about it. I was touched because essentially they were bringing me in as a part of their family.
ok...fast forward...there could be lines and lines of more sappy stuff, but I will spare my readers (if there are any out there).
So I am at this conference this weekend, and I think maybe, just maybe, I have found my true calling. As I said before, I have changed majors numerous times and have yet to find my niche. I have been telling myself the past few months that I am ok with not having a degree....I love what I do and a degree is not necessary. But what I have learned this weekend is that I want to better myself. So, maybe a few classes in the area of human service--maybe eventually even a degree.
This job has quickly become so much more than a job. I fell in love with it within a month and can see myself working for this family on a very long term basis...Lord willing. I know that God has a plan and I do need to be mindful of that. But to think how God allowed everything that happened this past summer with my jobs and lead me to the current situation that I am in....I could not be more happy and more thankful. I have always been someone who has compassion for those who cannot advocate for themselves or have a hard time doing so, and I have seen that passion grow by leaps and bounds the past few weeks. I can't say enough how blessed I am. I do not only have a great family to work for, but I believe that I have found life long friends....It's easy to love those who have hearts of gold. If life ends up taking us down different paths that are beyond our control, it will not be the end of a great friendship that is beginning to take shape.
So now what, I guess find some classes that fit into my schedule. I am not going to over do it. But oh how I would love to see some product from all these years of college classes.

Jump For The Moon

This is my latest painting. Once I had the idea and gathered the supplies it only took a day to do. The poem was written by the mother of the 19yr old that I work with after school. They are amazing people.
The poem in the painting reads as...

Jump for the Moon!

You and I on a cool summer night
Walked the grass together in the still moonlight.
We were chasing fireflies running everywhere
Laughing and playing in the calm summer air.

I thought I, the teacher, must help you gain knowledge.
That night you taught me something I had not learned in college.
Although your verbal words at times are difficult to understand
You stopped running, said, “Mama,” and reached for my hand.

You hopped up and down looking up at the sky
So I hopped with you, not understanding why.
I was not sure what you were trying to express
I just hopped with you, hoping eventually to guess.

You looked up to the sky and with a soft voice said, “moo.”
I repeated what I thought you meant saying, “moo,” too.
“No,” you said abruptly, shaking your head.
I still was not sure what you had said.

So again you took my hand, hopped, and said, “moo.”
It was then that I realized you were trying to say “moon.”
“Jump for the moon?” I asked. Your eyes opened wide.
You nodded your head yes as we stood side by side.

So there we were in the serene moonlight
Jumping for the moon with all our might.
We jumped and reached our hands to the sky
Trying to catch that moon--my son and I.

Amir, my little prince, I do believe it is true
An abundance of people will learn a great deal from you.
Even though you have challenges you still have to meet
You’ll keep jumping for the moon, landing on your feet.

If you are now reading this brief little story,
Please take a moment and forget some of your worries.
If your life doesn’t always proceed as you’d planned
Trying jumping for the moon; on both feet you will land.