The BIG ONE Returns

I have spoken alot about my anxiety. This morning on my way to work I had "the mother of all anxiety attacks"....it was horrible! I have not had one than intense since 2001, back when my anxiety started manifesting itself. I have been trying to make sense of it....but it must start in my subconscious. I have always got little anxiety attacks, but I have not had one where my heart pounds out of my chest, blacking out, and shaking in such a long time. So of course, now I fear that these will come more frequent...that scares me. When I first started getting these they dibilatated me to the point where I could do nothing....there is no way I can let it get to that point. I determined a couple weeks ago that I do not want to be on meds anymore....I have done this off again on again thing for the past couple years, and I would much rather bid goodbye to them forever....but when something like this happens it is like taking 100 steps backward....ugh. I guess there are things on my mind, a little bit more than normal. The thing that confuses me was that when I had this attack I wasn't thinking of anything...just bee boppin' to the radio. I have been learning how to control my thoughts, but how do I control the thoughts that I have no control over?
By God's grace, I am NOT going to let myself get back to the point that I used to be at....that was a horrible time in my life. And as much of a learning experience as it was, it is not one I care to repeat.
The up side is that I do not feel the after affects that used to accompany the big ones....usually I feel winded, weak, and dizzy for the remainder of the day. The real test will be when I need to drive somewhere alone.

One Year

Election Day!